I love my kids!

I am blessed! Even though everything around me is falling apart... I have Jesus. I have my 3 beautiful kids! I am one heck of a blessed woman that is clinging to my precious Savior, Lover of my soul. He is so wonderful to me. No words could express my love for my Jesus. Though all the things around me... yikes... is crumbling down... I will rise up and say that I will bless the name of the Lord!! Every blessing He pours out... oh how I will turn that back to praise!

My eyes are lifted up to Him and seeing Him so highly exalted - whom shall I fear? He is my provider! He will carry me through this. Ironically, I told David, that I know that God will carry us through this, not knowing that it meant the separation, the ending of an engagement. But God is literally carrying me through this.

I think I have the best kids! No offense.

Sure... they drive me crazy...

I love how Elijah jumps into my arms when he comes home from school and he loves to snuggle with me... cheek to cheek. My heart explodes into all these little fuzz balls circulating my system with the blood.

We wrestled on the floor and laughed. I love the sound of his laughter. What if I never got that cochlear implant?

I love how Nathan is so tender for the Lord. He wrote an awesome "story" on powerpoint. He didn't want to do spelling... he rather write!! (SOMETHING I NEVER THOUGHT I'D HEAR COME OUT OF HIS MOUTH!!!)

It was awesome! I'll have to post it here if I can learn how to.

Ellie is such an artist. She really loves drawing and writes me these little notes about her love for me. :)

So... I have three kids speaking to me out of three love languages...

1. touch
2. acts of service
3. words of affirmation

I got awesome kids!

Bike Ride Reflections

In my previous blog, I mentioned the exhaustion of the 12 mile bike ride with the kids. It felt great and I was very proud of my kids for being able to do that!!

Elijah rides behind me and it was funny... on the way back he was getting bored... so he kept lifting my shirt to blow raspberries! I was afraid we were going to fall because it tickles! He would giggle and laugh in such a boyish mischievous laugh. :)

The kids love riding to a park and playing for awhile and riding back home... or to the van... and when we get home... they are exhausted!! They go to bed easily without a fight! :) Nathan no longer sneaks Sonlight books into his room to read by the 3 watt night light.

I have changed who I am as a mother.

I am no longer the mean mother anymore.

I am investing much more time into my kids and being active with them. I have them involved in chores and we do them together as a team. We eat together (as usual) but it is more meaningful as we are coming together to do things.

We go out and do free entertainment... riding bikes... to a park... free.

We have our evening tea - and talk about our day. I would read to them a story or from the Bible... and then we'll pray together.

After all that... I send them off to bed at 7:30... and they can read... pray... think... whatever they want... on their beds... until 8:30. This solves the problem of Nathan staying up late to read... and then he becomes such a grumpy crab in the next day.

I love life as a mother.

The best job you could ever ask for.

Exhausted.

Wow. We did it... we rode 12 miles!!! Can you believe it? My kids and I... on a bike... for 12 miles?

That felt really good!! :)

God knows.

God knows exactly what you need!

I was very depressed and discouraged with all that I had been going through. It was so overwhelming. I also had 3 children that looked up to me... Ugh! I couldn't go on. My kids were at a friend's house... I thought... well... I'm gonna get my drugs from the pharmacy and maybe pop a couple of them to lure me to a deep sleep.

I just wanted to sleep and ignore everything going on.

I got my drugs.

I bumped into someone.

It was God speaking to me through her.

I never felt so edified and so encouraged - she spoke truth and words of encouragement. She strongly encouraged me to depend on Him to get me through. Not to look to others to get me through. Not to depend on them... but to depend on God.

What's amazing... she's been through what I am going through... hopefully minus the toothache. She probably went through worse than I have gone through. However... God used her in such a mighty way...

while talking with her... I saw another lady that God also used to encourage me! It was incredible to see that God was showing me that He is watching out for me. He got my back! He sent two ladies to prove it to me because they both said something that He has been sharing with me.

That's so awesome. I love it when God moves. I am in awe of my God.

Tell me... what has He done for you that makes you stand in awe of Him?

Tooth woes.

God is awesome!!!

Oh... I forgot to add that I also got my tooth worked on at a Dentist Urgent care by the Dayton Mall... do.not.go.there. PERIOD!

I got a very nasty infection and half of my face was so swollen. I can't believe that I went to church looking like that. My own fiance didn't recognize me!! *sniffle*

Anyhow, before the infection, I was in excruciating pain. It hurt more than giving birth naturally to two kids... and with an epidural with the last one... and having to have stitches... it hurt more than having 4 cochlear implant surgeries... think about the intensity of my pain!!! OW!!!

So... I went to the ER thinking that I had an infection... they sent me to the other ER with the dentist there... so I waited for 4 hours for a numbing thing to take the edge off of my pain. The dentist told me that I have 7 hours to be able to sleep without having to wake up. (I haven't slept in 2 days due to the pain) So... I rush to CVS and drop off the prescriptions... hurry home... crashed at my mom's house... gave Ellie specific instructions to not open the door or turn the stove on... or do anything illegal.

The next day, my face was swollen!!! I HAD to go to church. I was looking forward to it! I was looking forward to getting together with the Body of Christ to corporately worship Him. My spirit gets lifted after a time of worship...

so I worshiped...

my face got even more swollen... to the point where my eye was almost swollen shut. I thought, hmmm... maybe I'm allergic to perocet or amoxillian.... so I quickly leave church and head out to the ER for the second time... they quickly hook me up to the IV and I got an antibiotic through the IV... then I was sent to the hospital in Dayton that had the Emergency Dentist... they thought they were going to have to drain the abscess... but due to the swollen face... they couldn't see the "air bubble" so... I left... with another prescription for a stronger antibody.

What a day!! Very gradually through the week, my face became normal... I still have a little bubble over my tooth... I'm hoping that it will go away on its own!! Pray that it does!!

Life goes on. . .

The month of April was probably one of my hardest month that I will ever have.

The only good thing about April... was the birth of my little guy, who is now 3.

It all started with a letter... from my ex-husband.

Then Nathan was having chest pains. We were riding bikes and on our way to Fazoli's, he "collapsed" to the ground... complaining that his heart was hurting him. I called my mom and she called the doctor's office. The nurse recommended we take him in for testing to be on the safe side. So we spent a few hours at the Children's Hospital... while Nathan got an EKG and x-rays done. a week later, he had an Upper GI done as well. So far so good.

However, David and I have noticed that Nathan is extremely sensitive to pain. He feels his brain moving... his nerves... he feels all sorts of things... so I'm under the conclusion that he is obsessive about pain and his body.

The very next day... I stubbed my middle toe at David's house. It was a very painful stub and I thought I broke my toe... thank God... it bent after 4 days of being swollen! I was so happy about that!!!

That very night... Ellie cut herself on my razor... taking a big chuck of her skin. I was so nervous that I was going to have to take her to the ER for stitches. My kids... being traumatized by the bathroom!!! (Elijah got cut on the toilet and then my daughter gets cut in the bathtub)...

I prayed over Elijah that nothing bad would happen to him!!

I don't think anything did.

Oh he stripped and ran down the hallway and then went outside. Thats not painful... but humiliating.

Then... the biggest shock was finding out for sure that my ex-husband left the country on April 3rd. So... that meant... bye bye child support!! That was OVER HALF of my income!!! Imagine my shock... imagine my anger... imagine growing closer to God.... imagine feeling the grace and love of God...

so intense...

that I forgave him and had a heart of compassion and understanding. Even though I am paying the price of that longing to go home to where he came from. People have asked me about getting child support from him there... I really can't buy much from pesos.

He came from a very rural part of Mexico and my heart is full of compassion for the Mexicans, well, lets say Hispanics in general. I just love them. I thought I was going to be angry and despise all Mexicans that cross my path... that's not happening... the Lord showed me very clearly!!

So what did I do?? I called North Carolina and spoke with our case manager about my case and told them that I did not want this to accumulate and have it be in arrears. I would like for him to be able to come back into America without having problems.

However... I am looking into terminating his parental rights. So if you know of any information of how I can do that... I would appreciate it.

BUT... what I love about this...

I'm becoming more dependent on my Jesus. My precious Savior that redeemed me!! If He cares so much about the needs of a sparrow... surely... He will take care of me!!

I have definitely been through a lot... yikes.

No pain - but boo boos.

Well.... I did it again. It's been awhile since I rollerbladed. It felt awesome to plug my COCHLEAR implant into my brother's portable Sony CD player. I love that thing because it gives me so many fond memories and I play only worship CD's in there. I love it when the song, 'I can only Imagine' comes on because that was played at my brother's memorial service.

Ahhh... back to rollerblading.... we stopped at my mom's condo and got the mutt... in fancy words, my mother's King Charles Caviler Cocker Spaniel Mix. He is a little black thing with a patch of white on his nose.

Off we went with the dog on the leash. We went down Bigger Rd. Right in front of Victoria Secret Outlet, I hit a bump, an uneven sidewalk, *crash* *plunk* *thunk*

The dog froze.

The toddler in the stroller upside down.

Blood gushing out.

"STOP!" I yelled to Nathan and Ellie who were a block ahead of me...

The dog stared at me... (oh my goodness... he could have taken off for his freedom!!) I quickly grabbed his leash. I pulled Eli back to a normal stance on the stroller... I muttered to myself...

"Owwww." I was worried about my cell phone and CD player. I was afraid they got broken in the fall. (It was fine! Phew!)

I can not remember the last time I fell and got a boo boo. I am 29 years old. I couldn't believe it. Aren't kids the only ones supposed to fall and get hurt? Too bad I didn't have my mommy to kiss my boo boo.

We made it to the park by Pollen Farm. The kids played for awhile and I looked at my scrapes. Finally my mom came to the park and got her dignified dog who whimpered at every child that came to the park.