We love watching your family!!

WOW! What a great compliment!!! A mom in her minivan yelled out to me that they love watching us go by! (apparently they've seen us many times!)

It's become a habit for me to take the kids out almost every day or every OTHER day - depending on the weather and what we have on our schedule. We enjoy getting out and being active... ok... let me rephrase this...

I am fat.

I need to lose weight.

I am a mean mother making my marvelous magnificent children come along with me. I do not have a husband to stay home with the children so I can go out and exercise. I have 3 children. What do I do? I bribe them.

"Hey guys!! Wanna go ride our bikes to a park?"

"YEAH!!!!"

Great!! They are excited and ready to go!!! :) We get our gear together and ready to go in about 10 minutes... I am on my roller blades and I push Elijah in the jogging stroller complete with a suspension system that I picked up at a yard sale last year for only $35. It's such a sweet stroller and I'm so thankful that I got it. I almost didn't because I thought I was going to be impulsive.

We ride 4 miles to a park that is near Pollen Farms. I told the kids that if we ride 1.5 miles farther, we will end up at another park. It is their choice. They always choose to go to the other park.

So... that makes 11 miles!! :)

Today, we went swimming at my mom's condo for about 2 hours... then we biked/bladed to the miniature golf course... I got the kids ice cream... and a bottle of water for me. :) Go mom!!

So... since the beginning of May... I have lost 19lbs!!!

GO ME! I am driven! I have a vision!! I look and see slender ladies and I tell myself... that will be ME!!

God.

It is amazing to have such a great God.

I was really upset because my plug for my implant to plug into the walkman broke!!! BROKE!!! I could not listen to my worship CDs as I roller blade!! I was so bummed. I couldn't believe that happened!!

I whined to God... and He didn't give me cheese.

HOWEVER, He taught me about His creation. I enjoyed hearing the sounds of the birds as they conversed with each other... seeing the squirrel... the smell of freshly cut grass...

... watching out for uneven sidewalks so I don't land flat on my face again ...

falling in love with my Creator...

singing Amazing Love...

{sigh}

Life is good.

Elijah's Memorial Day

Elijah definitely knows how to have a memorial day!! :)


Yep. That's him in the ambulance.

One sunny day, I decided that it was a beautiful day for biking. However, the weather man decided to ruin it by informing me of potential thunderstorms coming... (and it never came)... so I decided to play it safe and since I was in the area... I would take the kids to the Greene where they can frolic in the fountain like calves let from the stall... (their apartment) so my three children ran in and out of the fountain gleefully.

However, Elijah decided that he wanted a goody bag that Nathan and Ellie got. The Greene offers complimentary towel service for children that were playing in the fountain. Along with the towel, the kids got goody bags, except Elijah.

I, stupidly wrapped the towel around Elijah, and sent him on his way with Nathan to get his bag. Within a few minutes... I heard a piercing scream... and felt bad for the parent of that child... not knowing that child... was MY child...

Elijah came back to me... with a huge huge huge HUGE bump on his head.

the security people came... and they called Medics... I thought they meant the first aid people... not the MEDICS... as in EMS... AMBULANCE...

a siren... LOUD... LOUDER... in my embarrassment... it was coming for us!! to rescue us!!

All the gorgeous men jumped out with their biceps toting their equipment. For the record, there was a lady in training, (she's in the pic with Elijah)...

they strongly advised me to take him to the ER because it was a head injury and such a small child. Elijah wasn't responding or answering any questions. He was staring off into space... in a daze...

We were in and out quickly. I was given specifics to look for... phew... he's back to himself.

This morning, when he woke up... he told me... "I no go shool." :)

THIS annoys ME!

When I am out and about... people stare at my ears.

So... I have two things hanging off my ears... one is not THAT noticeable... the newer one... IS VERY noticeable... but can people just get a "duh" moment and realize that it's just something to do with hearing?? What's the point of looking at me...??? What are they going to gain from that??? UGH.

ANOTHER thing... DON'T SIGN TO ME. PERIOD.

I was at Kroger's... checking out... and they ran up my raspberries for $4.99 instead of 2 for $5. So... I asked them to correct that... well she showed off her sign of 'O' and 'K'... should I clap for her?? I mean, I don't care that you know your ABC's in sign language...

I definitely don't go up to Hispanics and start rattling off in Spanish to them because I noticed their color or mannerism.

Books... Confirmation... Bible... Notepad...

Don't you love it when your heart is bursting forth with scriptures and it edifies you?? It's amazing how we read the Bible... and it becomes apart of you! I have spent almost 2 years in a Bible college... I could have graduated... if ONLY... I stayed there and finished the last 2 quarters... I had such a burning desire to get out... and to tend to my little brother... he needed a way to get back to NC... so I left Bible school... and took him... and got back involved with my ex. Stupid mistake... I know... so don't remind me...

Anyways... what's amazing is that I am able to remember so many verses in my times of distress. God is incredible - He is so wonderful to me. No, I don't like going through this time in my life... but I do enjoy drawing closer to Him... because I know that He will never let me go. He will never reject me.

Because I've had different snippets of scripture on my heart... I just didn't know where they were found in the Bible... I knew one was from JOB... but where were the others??

So... I looked at my bookshelf... and was drawn to this one book... "IN HIS FACE" by Bob Sorge. I had an extra copy but I mailed it to my whimsy jar buddy. I am hoping that the book will bless her as well.

Job 1:21 "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."

Proverbs 18:10 "The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe."

Hosea 7:14 "They did not cry out to Me with hteir heart when they wailed on their beds."

I thought that verse was interesting... He was offended... if we don't coming crying to Him. Did you know that through all of Job's wrestlings, questions, anger, self-pity, and indignation -

JOB KEPT HIS FACE TOWARD GOD. That's what I want to do...

Psalm 84:5-6 "Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, whose heart is set on pigrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a spring; the rain also overs it with pools."

I am definitely going through the Valley of Baca!! It is a desert valley and 'Baca' means "weeping" --> that is me!!

Psalm 84:7 "They go from strength to strength; each one appears before God in Zion."

This is my favorite Psalm - I had it quoted in my yearbook from Bible college, (I think I did! :)

Psalm 27:4 "One thing I have desired of the Lord, that I will seek; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His temple."

Isaiah 40:31 "But those that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength"

Isaiah 30:18 "Therefore the Lord will wait, that He may be gracious to you; and therefore He will be exalted, that He may have mercy on you. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all those who wait for Him."

Isaiah 49:23 "For they shall not be ashamed who wait for Me."

Isaiah 41:9-10 "You are my servant, I have chosen you and have not cast you away: Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Isn't that verse awesome?!

I feel so much better now... because I know that if my God is for me... WHO can stand against me?? He is so much stronger than I am... I'd be a stupid fool if I tried to do this on my own.

I love my kids!

I am blessed! Even though everything around me is falling apart... I have Jesus. I have my 3 beautiful kids! I am one heck of a blessed woman that is clinging to my precious Savior, Lover of my soul. He is so wonderful to me. No words could express my love for my Jesus. Though all the things around me... yikes... is crumbling down... I will rise up and say that I will bless the name of the Lord!! Every blessing He pours out... oh how I will turn that back to praise!

My eyes are lifted up to Him and seeing Him so highly exalted - whom shall I fear? He is my provider! He will carry me through this. Ironically, I told David, that I know that God will carry us through this, not knowing that it meant the separation, the ending of an engagement. But God is literally carrying me through this.

I think I have the best kids! No offense.

Sure... they drive me crazy...

I love how Elijah jumps into my arms when he comes home from school and he loves to snuggle with me... cheek to cheek. My heart explodes into all these little fuzz balls circulating my system with the blood.

We wrestled on the floor and laughed. I love the sound of his laughter. What if I never got that cochlear implant?

I love how Nathan is so tender for the Lord. He wrote an awesome "story" on powerpoint. He didn't want to do spelling... he rather write!! (SOMETHING I NEVER THOUGHT I'D HEAR COME OUT OF HIS MOUTH!!!)

It was awesome! I'll have to post it here if I can learn how to.

Ellie is such an artist. She really loves drawing and writes me these little notes about her love for me. :)

So... I have three kids speaking to me out of three love languages...

1. touch
2. acts of service
3. words of affirmation

I got awesome kids!

Bike Ride Reflections

In my previous blog, I mentioned the exhaustion of the 12 mile bike ride with the kids. It felt great and I was very proud of my kids for being able to do that!!

Elijah rides behind me and it was funny... on the way back he was getting bored... so he kept lifting my shirt to blow raspberries! I was afraid we were going to fall because it tickles! He would giggle and laugh in such a boyish mischievous laugh. :)

The kids love riding to a park and playing for awhile and riding back home... or to the van... and when we get home... they are exhausted!! They go to bed easily without a fight! :) Nathan no longer sneaks Sonlight books into his room to read by the 3 watt night light.

I have changed who I am as a mother.

I am no longer the mean mother anymore.

I am investing much more time into my kids and being active with them. I have them involved in chores and we do them together as a team. We eat together (as usual) but it is more meaningful as we are coming together to do things.

We go out and do free entertainment... riding bikes... to a park... free.

We have our evening tea - and talk about our day. I would read to them a story or from the Bible... and then we'll pray together.

After all that... I send them off to bed at 7:30... and they can read... pray... think... whatever they want... on their beds... until 8:30. This solves the problem of Nathan staying up late to read... and then he becomes such a grumpy crab in the next day.

I love life as a mother.

The best job you could ever ask for.

Exhausted.

Wow. We did it... we rode 12 miles!!! Can you believe it? My kids and I... on a bike... for 12 miles?

That felt really good!! :)

God knows.

God knows exactly what you need!

I was very depressed and discouraged with all that I had been going through. It was so overwhelming. I also had 3 children that looked up to me... Ugh! I couldn't go on. My kids were at a friend's house... I thought... well... I'm gonna get my drugs from the pharmacy and maybe pop a couple of them to lure me to a deep sleep.

I just wanted to sleep and ignore everything going on.

I got my drugs.

I bumped into someone.

It was God speaking to me through her.

I never felt so edified and so encouraged - she spoke truth and words of encouragement. She strongly encouraged me to depend on Him to get me through. Not to look to others to get me through. Not to depend on them... but to depend on God.

What's amazing... she's been through what I am going through... hopefully minus the toothache. She probably went through worse than I have gone through. However... God used her in such a mighty way...

while talking with her... I saw another lady that God also used to encourage me! It was incredible to see that God was showing me that He is watching out for me. He got my back! He sent two ladies to prove it to me because they both said something that He has been sharing with me.

That's so awesome. I love it when God moves. I am in awe of my God.

Tell me... what has He done for you that makes you stand in awe of Him?

Tooth woes.

God is awesome!!!

Oh... I forgot to add that I also got my tooth worked on at a Dentist Urgent care by the Dayton Mall... do.not.go.there. PERIOD!

I got a very nasty infection and half of my face was so swollen. I can't believe that I went to church looking like that. My own fiance didn't recognize me!! *sniffle*

Anyhow, before the infection, I was in excruciating pain. It hurt more than giving birth naturally to two kids... and with an epidural with the last one... and having to have stitches... it hurt more than having 4 cochlear implant surgeries... think about the intensity of my pain!!! OW!!!

So... I went to the ER thinking that I had an infection... they sent me to the other ER with the dentist there... so I waited for 4 hours for a numbing thing to take the edge off of my pain. The dentist told me that I have 7 hours to be able to sleep without having to wake up. (I haven't slept in 2 days due to the pain) So... I rush to CVS and drop off the prescriptions... hurry home... crashed at my mom's house... gave Ellie specific instructions to not open the door or turn the stove on... or do anything illegal.

The next day, my face was swollen!!! I HAD to go to church. I was looking forward to it! I was looking forward to getting together with the Body of Christ to corporately worship Him. My spirit gets lifted after a time of worship...

so I worshiped...

my face got even more swollen... to the point where my eye was almost swollen shut. I thought, hmmm... maybe I'm allergic to perocet or amoxillian.... so I quickly leave church and head out to the ER for the second time... they quickly hook me up to the IV and I got an antibiotic through the IV... then I was sent to the hospital in Dayton that had the Emergency Dentist... they thought they were going to have to drain the abscess... but due to the swollen face... they couldn't see the "air bubble" so... I left... with another prescription for a stronger antibody.

What a day!! Very gradually through the week, my face became normal... I still have a little bubble over my tooth... I'm hoping that it will go away on its own!! Pray that it does!!

Life goes on. . .

The month of April was probably one of my hardest month that I will ever have.

The only good thing about April... was the birth of my little guy, who is now 3.

It all started with a letter... from my ex-husband.

Then Nathan was having chest pains. We were riding bikes and on our way to Fazoli's, he "collapsed" to the ground... complaining that his heart was hurting him. I called my mom and she called the doctor's office. The nurse recommended we take him in for testing to be on the safe side. So we spent a few hours at the Children's Hospital... while Nathan got an EKG and x-rays done. a week later, he had an Upper GI done as well. So far so good.

However, David and I have noticed that Nathan is extremely sensitive to pain. He feels his brain moving... his nerves... he feels all sorts of things... so I'm under the conclusion that he is obsessive about pain and his body.

The very next day... I stubbed my middle toe at David's house. It was a very painful stub and I thought I broke my toe... thank God... it bent after 4 days of being swollen! I was so happy about that!!!

That very night... Ellie cut herself on my razor... taking a big chuck of her skin. I was so nervous that I was going to have to take her to the ER for stitches. My kids... being traumatized by the bathroom!!! (Elijah got cut on the toilet and then my daughter gets cut in the bathtub)...

I prayed over Elijah that nothing bad would happen to him!!

I don't think anything did.

Oh he stripped and ran down the hallway and then went outside. Thats not painful... but humiliating.

Then... the biggest shock was finding out for sure that my ex-husband left the country on April 3rd. So... that meant... bye bye child support!! That was OVER HALF of my income!!! Imagine my shock... imagine my anger... imagine growing closer to God.... imagine feeling the grace and love of God...

so intense...

that I forgave him and had a heart of compassion and understanding. Even though I am paying the price of that longing to go home to where he came from. People have asked me about getting child support from him there... I really can't buy much from pesos.

He came from a very rural part of Mexico and my heart is full of compassion for the Mexicans, well, lets say Hispanics in general. I just love them. I thought I was going to be angry and despise all Mexicans that cross my path... that's not happening... the Lord showed me very clearly!!

So what did I do?? I called North Carolina and spoke with our case manager about my case and told them that I did not want this to accumulate and have it be in arrears. I would like for him to be able to come back into America without having problems.

However... I am looking into terminating his parental rights. So if you know of any information of how I can do that... I would appreciate it.

BUT... what I love about this...

I'm becoming more dependent on my Jesus. My precious Savior that redeemed me!! If He cares so much about the needs of a sparrow... surely... He will take care of me!!

I have definitely been through a lot... yikes.

No pain - but boo boos.

Well.... I did it again. It's been awhile since I rollerbladed. It felt awesome to plug my COCHLEAR implant into my brother's portable Sony CD player. I love that thing because it gives me so many fond memories and I play only worship CD's in there. I love it when the song, 'I can only Imagine' comes on because that was played at my brother's memorial service.

Ahhh... back to rollerblading.... we stopped at my mom's condo and got the mutt... in fancy words, my mother's King Charles Caviler Cocker Spaniel Mix. He is a little black thing with a patch of white on his nose.

Off we went with the dog on the leash. We went down Bigger Rd. Right in front of Victoria Secret Outlet, I hit a bump, an uneven sidewalk, *crash* *plunk* *thunk*

The dog froze.

The toddler in the stroller upside down.

Blood gushing out.

"STOP!" I yelled to Nathan and Ellie who were a block ahead of me...

The dog stared at me... (oh my goodness... he could have taken off for his freedom!!) I quickly grabbed his leash. I pulled Eli back to a normal stance on the stroller... I muttered to myself...

"Owwww." I was worried about my cell phone and CD player. I was afraid they got broken in the fall. (It was fine! Phew!)

I can not remember the last time I fell and got a boo boo. I am 29 years old. I couldn't believe it. Aren't kids the only ones supposed to fall and get hurt? Too bad I didn't have my mommy to kiss my boo boo.

We made it to the park by Pollen Farm. The kids played for awhile and I looked at my scrapes. Finally my mom came to the park and got her dignified dog who whimpered at every child that came to the park.

OUCH!! I can't walk!

I can't walk!! My ankles!!

I rollerbladed today! Yikes! Talk about pain... no pain... no gain... what a bunch of crap!! What am I going to gain from pain? I talked to a few kids about rollerblades and they said that it hurts for the first couple of weeks... oh great... *groan*

So... I'm gonna hang in there for a couple of weeks... if it still hurts... the blades go on Craig's list for the next sufferer.

However, I feel great going around the neighborhood burning calories.

My goal is to be slender enough to wear a bathing suit without people trying to guess how many jelly rolls I have. I also want to be more attractive for my wonderful math professor.

I will be blogging about my journey to a thinner fit me.

Cleaning Heaven

Hey everyone!!

I stayed up cleaning!!! Imagine that!! I had sooo much fun finding out what my homemade cleaner cleans! WOW!! Talk about impressed!! I cleaned my stove, fridge, dishwasher, counters, walls, and cabinets with this and it wipes off!! This is the first time I've ever been able to clean without coughing and wheezing from the chemicals! I was in cleaning heaven! I don't want you guys to be left out so I'm gonna share this recipe with y'all.

You will need a clean 32 oz trigger spray bottle.
From the health food store you need- Castile soap, this is an all natural soap made from vegetable oils. (I got mine at Trader Joe's)

In areas with hard water you will need to buy distilled or purified water from the grocery store. The minerals in the hard water will inhibit the soap’s ability to work. Borax, vinegar and an essential oil, if you wish will, round out your shopping list.

In a two cup glass measuring cup mix 2 Tbls of white distilled vinegar and 1 tsp of borax. Add 1 cup of hot water and stir until the borax is dissolved. Let this mixture cool a few minutes and then pour into the spray bottle. Add more water to the bottle leaving enough to add 1/4 cup of castile soap. To scent, add 15-20 drops of your favorite essential oil.

Ü

WOW! It's been awhile!

I can't believe it's been nearly 2 months since I've blogged. I've been busy doing so many different things. It's been a hard month for me. As each year goes by, it hits me harder that Dave's death really did happen. I hate the month of March.

I am looking forward to playing soccer again. I got invited to be on a coed soccer team!! I'm so excited! The games are on Sunday. I think we'll practice on Saturday. I'm hoping that David will watch the kids on Sunday. I am really really really excited about that!!! I can't wait for my long hair to fly in the wind as I run after a piece of leather hand sewn shaped into a ball filled with air, and aim that into a net, aaaahhhh pure heaven.

The grass stains on my knees... the only difference now... it will be me standing over the washer scrubbing those stains out, not my mother.

Isn't it nice to be given a chance to do something that you've loved so passionately growing up? There have been nights when I went to bed with my soccer ball... that got torn to shreds by my brother's dog, Zayd. Stupid mutt.

{sigh} I feel alive again...

Life.

How do you stand strong when you feel like everything around you is falling apart?

How do you smile at your children and say that everything is going to be alright?

How do you look at your son with glee when he just peed on your loveseat? *sigh*

Off to clean a loveseat.

(commercial break)

Football

Well, I've learned something new about myself. I'm not THAT crazy about football. I thought I loved football with a passion. Once we got to the Superbowl, I realized... what's the point? Football consumed me on Sundays... I'd think... ok... hurry up... finish the sermon so I can get home and fix lunch for the kids so I can see the game...

when the Bengals were on a losing streak, I wasn't such a die-hard fan.

I'd watch a few games here and there... but it didn't consume my every thought.

Well... since the Bengals had no hopes of the play offs. I began to root for the Cowboys... they got knocked out by the Giants... so... I decided to root for the Packers... they got knocked out by the Giants...

ahem...

it was Giants and the Patriots...

ok... I'm definitely rooting for the Giants!

YAY! We won! Which is awesome because I'm from NY... so I felt a tinge of pride for my home state.

However, at the same time... I was thinking... am I wasting my time here? I love and enjoy football, but is it consuming me? I hope not.

I did learn how to crochet! :) Isn't that interesting? I go to a super bowl party and I leave with yarn and a crochet hook! How often does that happen? I'm looking forward to crocheting and making myself things.

Implants... not breast implants...

Ever wonder if other people are hard of hearing as well?

I was in the store today and someone was asking me a question... and I answered...

then she pointed to my ear that is showing my Freedom implant... and says... "What is that? A unique Bluetooth?"

"No, it's my implant"

*GASP* "You shouldn't tell people when you get implants! That is simply too much information! Oh how disgusting!"

(If you're wondering... she was... ahem... very small)

"Ma'am, I am sorry for not clarifying, these are my COCHLEAR implants. I am deaf without these. Also, for your TMI... these are real...not implants."

Her face turned very red.

Isn't that an amusing trip to the store?

Sonic Toothbrushes...

I heard a noise... I stopped what I was doing... I sat straight up... my eyes grew wider... I tilted my ear towards the deck... no, it's not coming from there...

oh where can that noise come from??

*twirl...buzz...buzz...gaguggle...buzz*

Nathan was playing a game on the computer - check.
Ellie was playing with her Breyer Horses - check.

WHERE'S ELIJAH??

A panic surges through me - as I walk down the hallway...

THE NOISE GROWS LOUDER!

*twirl...buzz...buzz...gaguggle...buzz*

I instantly looked into the bathroom...

there was my baby... brushing his hair with my Colgate battery operated toothbrush. *sigh*

I stared at him - and he turned around and jumped as if he saw a ghost...

"Ah! I soarry" he threw my toothbrush in the sink and ran away.



I didn't know what to do... should I laugh? should I be disgusted? should I be relieved that I can finally hear my son in mischief? Thank God I heard him before he actually put toothpaste on it!

Ugh!! That tooth pasting hairdo... not a good thing.

3 KIDS!

Whoever said that being a mom is like having 2 full time jobs... I wonder what they thought about having 3 kids! Is that 6 full time jobs?

*yawn*

It's about 11:30 P.M. and I'm finally having some time alone doing nothing after folding laundry. I should make myself another cup of "Almond Sunset" tea - I love it! The kids and I have started a new bedtime routine... a cuppa tea before bed. They seem to really enjoy being able to have some "adult" beverages... *makes mental note - get sleepy time tea!* It's nice to sit around the octagonal table and talk about our day.

I am going to try to share what it's like to be a hard of hearing mom through out my blogs. Some people have asked me what it's like.

"Is it easy?" Heck no.
"How much do you hear?" I don't know - go ask my audiologist.